


how is it you never notice? (that you are slowly killing me)

by jeonminies



Series: baby come back to me [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sad Ending, boys inlove, im horrible, sorry in advance, still smutty as fuck though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 14:23:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7511692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeonminies/pseuds/jeonminies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Kendall was a mistake but you're the only one I loved ever. You're it for me-"</p><p>"And how much more mistakes will you make til you figure us out and stop hurting me?! I'm- Harry I'm done feeling so lost and mad and hurt- I don't wanna live like that anymore." Niall sniffles.</p><p>or the one where Harry finally figures his shit out and Niall is just done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	how is it you never notice? (that you are slowly killing me)

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is my first post in ao3 i was just like fuck it im gonna write this shit and i did so i hope it turns out good. this will probably have a part two :)
> 
> you can @ me in twitter if you want a sequel

Harry looked at his reflection in the mirror and sighed, noticing the deep purple bags under his eyes.

He wanted to at least look sharp tonight, he wanted to look like he was okay and that he was happy like how the pictures spreading in the internet portrayed him to be so he straightened his back and unbuttoned the last buttons of his floral button up and deciding to leave it unbuttoned the next few seconds.

His phone ringing brought him out of his stupor, he glanced at it, only to see Louis's face making him slightly speed up his actions.

He didn't plan on going to this party, after his shoot he wanted to relax, have a little get away of his own, get caught up in his own bubble. He owed this to himself, he needed a break, a real one.

Him, the calming sound of the waves hitting the shore and the feeling of sand in between his toes really sounded appealing after all the person he planned all this with didn't want anything to do with him anymore.

Niall already let him go.

Thinking about him made him weak in the knees, he didn't know if he could go to the party and face him with his new girlfriend, send them his congratulations and best wishes. Hell he doesn't even know if he can smile at them, it was too painful, too fake and with Niall it was always real. He was the realest with him.

He shook his head, grabbing his phone and putting it in his pocket, looked at himself one more time before deciding that he's indeed going to Louis's engagement party. This party isn't about him or Niall, it was about his brother, he can deal with the Niall drama another day, but not tonight.

Tonight he was Harry Styles as best friend, not the rising actor, not the one who's going solo and leaving the band behind and not the one who's not over Niall Horan.

-

"Harry." Louis breathed out as he stood in front of him. He gave him a small smile and waved his hand. Louis only tugged him towards his body and gave him a tight hug, he felt all the tension in his body leave and he hid in Louis's neck, not wanting to make a scene and cry he pulled away a second after.

Louis knew about everything and he told him he'd understand if Harry couldn't make it to his party but he wasn't like that, he wasn't that selfish.

"You alright?" Louis gave him a pat on the back and for a second he managed to smile, a genuine one and he nodded. He can survive one night.

"Don't baby me." He scrunched up his nose and Louis laughed, shaking his head.

"I'm not fucking gonna do that mate, I'm already a full time father to Freddie I don't need another baby." He let out a cackle at that, feeling more comfortable and at ease as Louis draped an arm around his shoulders and led him to where the party was just beginning.

There were some familiar faces that he saw and then Louis excused himself to go up to his lovely bride to be that was in a beautiful black dress that showed all her curves.

She was glowing as Louis kissed her cheek and laughed about something Louis said to her friends. They looked so in love. He envied them.

Harry wanted something like that with Niall. He looked away didn't want to hurt himself more and looked for Liam.

He decides to get a drink but then as he reaches the living room what he saw made him weak in the knees, made him want to flee the place and hide forever.

"Harry." Their meeting was inevitable of course, he knew that but that didn't mean it stopped hurting and that didn't mean he was ready to see him.

He was beautiful.

Everyone knew that with his flushed cheeks, light stubble, thin kissable lips and his eyes that seemed to glimmer when Harry saw him. He looked handsome and sexy in his red button up with his hair messy and the skinniest and tightest jeans he's seen of him.

And fuck he missed him- he missed how his skin felt under his fingertips, how his lips tasted, how his nails racked down behind his back as he pounded into him, his laugh that was so fucking annoying and addicting at the same time, his eyes that could never hide whatever emotion he was feeling and looking at him now.

He saw nothing.

He wondered how easy it was for him to throw it all away, to forget him and replace him. His heart ached.

"Niall." He didn't want to be in here any longer, he didn't want to talk to him knowing he has so much to say, knowing that he's seconds away from fucking up.

"Y-You look good." Niall offered him a smile before he looked away and quickly took a sip of his lukewarm beer. The tension in the air was thick Harry was going to suffocate with it. He only nodded and gave Niall a smile in return.

"Not so bad yourself." He comments before they become like stuttering idiots and an awkward mess.

"Time flies so fast doesn't it? Back then I thought Louis was the last one to settle down and now he's even more excited to plan their wedding than Danielle is I swear." Niall chuckles, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly and Harry hums, bringing his own glass to his lips. His lips felt dry and chapped that even his throat was scratchy and he couldn't form proper words.

"Yeah that's why I'm still single I guess. Just living the life you know, no commitments and all that." Harry knew it was low to say that but he feels nothing but pain and anger he couldn't help it.

"What about K-Kendall? I thought-"

"There was no us to begin with, Niall." He sighs. "I've told you this a million times before." He was tired of saying the same damn thing all over again.

"Right." He can see that Niall was becoming agitated and frustrated and that's what he wanted, he wanted a reaction out of him and he got one. Just to see if he still cares. If he can still get under Niall's skin.

"I'm gonna go get drunk. Feel free to join me." He gives him a smile before he heads to the bar and orders a shot which he downs quickly. If he was staying here and talking to Niall he needs the liquor to keep him company.

"Oi! Harry mate! I want you to meet someone!" Liam calls out to him and introduces a hot blond named Jessica, obviously he's not interested but he's single and he's fucking heart broken so why the fuck not? Niall doesn't seem to care.

He doesn't know how many shots he drinks, doesn't give a shit when he takes that blond to the dance floor and pretend that it's Niall he's dancing with, pretends he doesn't feel the eyes burning in his back as he kisses her. Pretends it doesn't hurt and pretends he doesn't care.

"Think you've quite had enough Harry." Louis is the one who tears him away from her and he glares at him, pushing him away weakly.

"Fuck off. If I want to have fun- I fucking will so fucking piss off you-"

"I'm taking him home." Niall mumbles, he's wearing his glasses now and he remembers the first time Niall wore them to an interview, remembers how distracted he was, remembers how hard he fucked Niall in his hotel bed after that and he gulps.

"No no I'm going home alone." He slurs and tries to walk but of course he trips and makes a fool out of himself. Niall is quick to grip his arm and keep him upright. He looks up at him and tries to get out of his hold. He doesn't want to be near him.

He still remembers how he smells.

"Harry. Stop fucking struggling. This is Louis's engagement party remember? Don't make a scene." Niall whispers harshly in his ear and he gives up after that, lets Niall hold his arm and lead him out after they say their goodbyes.

"Where's your car?" Niall asks as he tries to look for a black range rover or any car that Harry owns but he doesn't see anything.

"I-I didn't bring a car with me. I rode my motorcycle." Niall rolls his eyes. This was typical of Harry. He was always reckless and spontaneous. He shouldn't even be this surprised.

"You're such an idiot." He says as they walk but to his surprise the curly lad struggles again.

"If I'm such an idiot then leave me be Niall! Just leave me here! You already left didn't you? This won't be hard- just fucking leave me alone!" Niall might seem that he doesn't care but he does and to see Harry like this hurts him so much as well but he can't.

He can't be caught up in this again. He already got out. He won't let himself be a part of this again.

"Lower down your voice, Harry." He says calmly but then he sees Harry's eyes filled with tears so he takes his hands and looks into his eyes even if he doesn't want to, even if he's gonna go back to square one again, he looks.

"We'll talk about it later, Harry." He promises.

The ride in the cab was silent, pretty awkward since the driver seemed to be a big fan of them, the man even played temporary fix (which they all know Niall wrote about the curly haired lad) and he wondered where did it stop.

If times haven't changed, Niall and Harry would be laughing into each other's mouths as they kissed and groped each other, not only intoxicated with alcohol but with love, and now seeing them like this, sitting on both sides, apart from each other, he wonders.

Where did he stop?

Harry seems to be pretty sobered up when they get off the cab not before Niall signs the shirt of the driver and all he knows is that he's walking up to all familiar path to Harry's front porch and he's opening the door for them like all the countless times he did before only it's different now.

"I'm making tea for you." Niall announces as he puts Harry on the couch.

"...I love you." A deep husky voice sounds behind him as he makes his way to the kitchen. Niall's eyes widen as he hears those three words he longed to hear before.

Niall loses it.

"Harry just fucking stop!" He can't help but raise his voice as he faces him and finally lets his tears fall.

"Why are you just saying this now?! Why not five months ago? A year ago? Why are you doing this? Do you really want me to hurt?" He cries out, clenching his fists on his sides and Harry reaches out to touch him but he flinches away.

"It's too late, Harry." He whispers, sniffing.

"I'm with her already there's nothing you can do." Warm big hands cup his face and he looks into those green eyes that he loves so much. He can't deny or hide that he's still very much in love with him but he's just so done.

"I know but I love you. I was a dick yes I ran away when you asked me to stay. I ran away from the person I loved the most but I was so confused and I was so scared and I just- I love you so much Niall fuck I'm nothing without you I don't know what to do- I love you." Harry finishes it by pressing their lips together and taking Niall aback.

He doesn't do anything at first, just lets Harry kiss him but then he starts to realize how much he missed him and how much he craves his lips and his touches and then he kisses him back with so much fervor and passion as he grips Harry's arms, wanting him closer to him.

Harry wastes no time in running his hands over Niall's toned stomach while groaning into his mouth. He missed this so much, missed the feeling and missed him.

"One last time." Harry huffs out as their lips break away with a string of saliva connecting them and Niall nods.

"We're- this is a mistake Harry fuck." Harry's hands find its way to Niall's nipples and he starts to pinch and play with them, ripping Niall's red button up from him in the process.

"I don't care." He whispers on Niall's skin as he kisses his neck backing him up onto the couch til Niall's back hits the soft cushion.

"I-I'm cheating-" Niall mumbles but lets Harry pull his pants down. He was so conflicted, this was wrong.

He was the type of person who hated cheating and yet as he looks at the man in front of him he can't help but want him.

He was the sweetest mistake he's ever gonna make.

"Niall are you with me?" He shudders as he feels a hand wrap around his girth, stroking him slowly, Harry's thumb swiping over the head as he looked at Niall dead in the eyes.

"I- fuck Harry fuck." He closes his eyes, hips rising and falling slowly. He knew he was back to square one and he's caught up in the whirlwind that is Harry again but at the moment he doesn't seem to care. Just commits to every kiss, every touch and every huff of breath Harry lets out. It was nice to know that he still remembers what made Harry feel good.

It was like touching Harry was second nature to him no matter how much he'd forgotten.

Harry twisted his wrist making Niall let out a choked groan as he stroked him faster.

"You weren't thinking of him. Does Celine know what you like? What makes your toes curl and whimper?" Harry smirks, tightening his grip a little as Niall glares at him.

"D-Don't even mention her." He hisses, betraying himself as he falters and whimpers, chasing Harry's hand and fucking up into his fist.

"Poor Celine, doesn't even know you'd rather be fucked than do the fucking." Harry chuckles bitterly as he lets go of Niall and turns him around swiftly, landing one hard spank on his pale smooth cheeks.

"Oh fuck- Harry fuck fuck." Niall's cock twitched as he grinded on the sofa, seeking friction to relieve himself.

Harry admired the view, the span of Niall's back how it would look with scatches he couldn't help himself as he got rid of his shirt and he kissed the back of his neck licked his way down to his ass, tracing the knob of his spine with his tongue and scraping his teeth lightly.

"You don't know how much I fucking missed this baby boy." Harry whispers as he blows softly on Niall's asshole, making goosebumps rise on the boy's skin as he shivers.

"But this isn't the only thing I've missed, you know that baby."

"I'm not in the fucking mood to have this talk Harry- ngh!"

Harry wastes no time as he fucks Niall with his tongue hard and fast before slowly coming to a stop only to lick around and look for his postrate.

"What's my name again?" Niall licks his lips before licking his palm and touching himself when Niall doesn't answer he lands a smack on his left cheek, leaving not only a mark but a claim.

"S-Sir please." Niall whimpers.

"Have you been a good boy for me baby?" Harry puts the head of his cock in between Niall's pretty ass cheeks sliding it down his legs.

"You want this cock? Or you want someone to fuck instead?" Harry asks harshly as Niall's thighs encloses his cock, taking the hint.

"Tighter." Niall whimpers as Harry demands before Harry makes slow thrusts, leaving Niall wondering and aching what it would feel like to have Harry in him again, to feel the push and pull of his massive cock.

"Y-Your thighs baby. Fuck your beautiful thighs." Harry's hands settle on his shoulders, fucking his thin thighs harder and Niall's jaw falls wide open.

"P-Please I'm so-" He comes even before he finishes his warning making Harry bite his lip as he looks at his precious doll coming undone.

"Beautiful." He admires and Niall shivers but he reaches for Harry's cock, taking him by surprise as Niall moves his hand up and down quickly before looking at Harry dead in the eye.

"Fuck me daddy." And who was Harry to deny that request?

He pulls Niall by the hips and penetrates him without any warning. Niall's hands clutching the sofa as he moans and whimpers.

"Oh fuck you're fucking tight shit baby fuck." Harry moans, making deep short thrusts to let Niall get used to feeling before he remembers Niall and Celine. He becomes livid, spreading Niall's cheeks and fucking harder, shoving Niall in the couch and making it move.

"Oh my god daddy you're so big please fuck daddy." After rough thrusts, Harry pulls out and sits on the couch tugging Niall on his lap.

Niall bites his lip as he looks at Harry before holding his length and leading it to his hole, making sure to take it slow.

"Harry Harry oh my god-" he can't stop saying his name as he finally gets all of Harry inside him. Before he does anything he smiles looking at Harry fondly, taking in how hot and beautiful he looks with his new short hair.

"I love you." He says even though he doesn't want to, tries hard not to say it but that's how he feels, it's the truth.

"I love you." Harry sighs out taking both of his cheeks and kissing him. Niall quickly rises off Harry's lap, making sure that the tip is the only thing inside him before quickly falling down, he winces at the sensitivity and isn't surprised when he sees he's hard again but Harry looks close so he does it all over again.

Harry knows his close but he also wants Niall to come with him so his hands part Niall's cheeks, two of his fingers tucked inside Niall, making the blond fuck himself faster and deeper.

Niall moans into his mouth before he tiredly puts his head on Harry's shoulder, kissing his neck.

"Niall baby I'm- shit fuck I'm coming baby I'm coming." Niall nods lets Harry grip his hips and fucking Niall with one last rough thrust.

He has his eyes closed but when he opens them Niall's touching himself and fuck he looks so beautiful.

"Daddy." Niall moans as his other hand reaches in between his ass and collects Harry's come, he smirks malevolently and puts it in his mouth, moaning loudly because he knows Harry's watching him and he loves to put on a good show.

"Slut." Harry says and then Niall's stuttering out a moan coming in between them and painting Harry's stomach.

His body gives out, falls down on top of Harry and his breath comes out in ragged huffs.

Harry lets Niall catch his breath before he slides out of him. For a few minutes they stay quiet and Niall plays with his own cum.

A finger trails up to Harry's nipple and he jumps a bit, looks at his ex lover.

"I'm yours..."  Niall whispers.

"For tonight." He adds and Harry kisses him before he gets sad and realizes this will all end.

-

Niall wakes up the following morning with a familiar ache in his backside and his heart as he turns to his side, looking at Harry.

He rubs a hand across his face, knows how much he fucked up but can't bring himself to regret all the things he did with Harry the night before.

He sits up slowly and stretches his arms, finding his phone on top of the drawer beside Harry, he checks his messages and sees all the texts he missed from Celine.

Celine is a nice girl. Very pretty, easy and fun to be with, knows how to listen to Niall, give him a good time and doesn't like Niall for his money or for his fame. She sees him as Niall. One of the many reasons he dated her.

She's genuinely nice and he doesn't want to break her heart. Doesn't want to. He sees a future with her, a secure and stable one and with Harry all he sees is heartache and uncertainty.

Harry's very confusing. Sometimes he'd want you and sometimes he'll push you away, he's just like that and Niall doesn't quite like not knowing where he stands. Doesn't like to be left feeling used.

The exact reason why he needs to move on.

He dials her phone number so that she won't worry and it wakes Harry up even if he tries to do it quietly as possible.

"Is that her?" Harry asks as he rubs his eyes and Niall puts his phone down. Niall chooses to ignore him, trying to figure out where his things are.

"You're leaving?" Harry asks once again and when Niall takes a look at him. He looks like a child. Vulnerable and small as he hugs his knees to his chest.

"I have to."

Harry says nothing and Niall speaks up again.

"You didn't really expect I'd change my mind after that right?" He knows he's being a dick but he's not the only one who's hurting as well, he can't allow him to make him feel guilty.

"I- I love you, Niall. I just want you to know-"

"Stop saying that. You don't mean that. You're only scared because I'm dating someone now and it's serious and you hate that you don't have someone to fuck over anymore-"

"I was scared Niall!" Harry raises his voice.

"Kendall was a mistake but you're the only one I loved ever. You're it for me-"

"And how much more mistakes will you make til you figure us out and stop hurting me?! I'm- Harry I'm done feeling so lost and mad and hurt- I don't wanna live like that anymore." Niall sniffles.

"I know now-"

"You don't." He sighs and then he walks over to Harry as he finishes dressing up.

"I'm gonna see your movie, I... I still care for you." Harry wants to scream and tell Niall to stop talking or lying to him. He knows Niall still loves him.

"I hope you're better when we see each other. I wish the best for you, Harry. I really do." Niall tentatively pulls him closer and then he presses a kiss on Harry's head. Harry can only sob quietly as he does so.

"Goodbye." Niall says as he walks away.

"Stay." Harry suddenly speaks up and Niall hates himself for feeling giddy and hopeful and its like they're back in that hotel where he asks Harry the same thing but Harry selfishly denies him that, doesn't give him the chance to prove he's going to be so much happier with him.

"Sorry." The you know I can't is unspoken and he's quick to get out of there.

He leaves and never looks back and if he cries, no one will know as it rains all of a sudden.

**Author's Note:**

> tell me what you think about it please
> 
> twitter: @irekirk  
> wattpad: moullingars


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